After all, who really has the ultimate control with our lives?

(I used a bit of creative writing in this next story, but it is based on a family that was very real to me. You might know a family who has experienced something similar, so I encourage you to be the light they need during their years of parenting.)

He was exhausted, it was evident on his face. His pressure on the job was compounding, and his son’s needs increased daily. He never intended on parenting alone, so after his son’s diagnosis, life seemed bleak. Some days he felt he was doing his best, but then something would happen that would plant a seed of doubt in his mind. His son wasn’t learning anything in school, teachers were at their wit’s end, and he was struggling with being a single parent. At times, parents would scoff at them during morning assembly or make comments to them in the pickup line. He did not know what to do.

About a month into the school year, his son got a new teacher, and his perspective changed. The teacher explained that it was going to be a rough year, but she was willing to do whatever she could to help him. She had a lot of confidence in his son and plenty of confidence in his parenting.

She said, “Be patient with yourself and don’t beat yourself up. You are doing the best that you can!”

I wasn’t the teacher in this story; a good friend was. She was a blessing to that family and many others. I often overheard positive conversations between her, her students, and their parents. I couldn’t help but take some of her words to heart and apply them to my own life.

Parenting is one of the hardest things that we will ever do. It requires so much of our energy, our love, and our patience. Sometimes we let circumstances feed our monster of anxiety and frustration, but we have to ask ourselves,

Who has the ultimate control over our lives?

Along with patience, we also need to recognize our limits and know when we need to unwind. Everyone is different, so their methods of relaxation are going to vary. Personally, I love the outdoors. I will walk, jog, or otherwise explore outside as a way to have some time to myself. Inevitably, we all find ourselves needing a break, so I recommend having something specific in mind. If you know what to do when you have reached your limit, your chances of actually taking a break increase.

There is a saying that I’ve often heard that says, “Work like it all depends on you, pray like it all depends on God.” This saying has been incredibly helpful to me on my parenting journey. Yes, we can prepare, plan, instruct, and accommodate to our specific children, but ultimately we know that we will never be enough alone. Without God, we will fall short; however, with God, all things are possible.

I wrote this blog for us, the parents. Let’s be patient with ourselves and remember that we are also children of God. We should treat ourselves as kindly as we would treat others. Regardless of our children’s backgrounds, whether they are neurodivergent or not, we need to lean on Him. We are all doing the best we can, but God has ultimate control over our lives if we allow Him to.

-Project Homeward Downes